Dad Jokes

"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs." "OK." "Oh and while you're there, get some milk." He never returned.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a price on a drink. The barkeeper says: "For you... no charge!"

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" to which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."

Judge: "I sentence you to the maximum punishment..." Me (thinking): "Please be death, please be death..." Judge: "Learn Java!" Me: "Damn."

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

A byte walks into a bar looking miserable. The bartender asks it: "What's wrong buddy?" "Parity error." it replies. "Ah that makes sense, I thought you looked a bit off."

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Knock knock. Who's there? Recursion. Recursion who? Knock knock.

If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.

Today I learned that changing random stuff until your program works is "hacky" and a "bad coding practice" but if you do it fast enough it's "Machine Learning" and pays 4x your current salary.